You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize