Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
