OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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