two words: eviction party
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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