i think my mom watched the whole time
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
