I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
