Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
