I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
