Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
