This girl is more easily done than said...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize