I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize