How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize