So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize