a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
