I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
