Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize