i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
