I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
