just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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