Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There r osticjed everywhere
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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