I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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