I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
