I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
