she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
