phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
