i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize