I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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