We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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