mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize