you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
