He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
