And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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