do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
