Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
