id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
