some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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