i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
