I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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