I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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