i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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