So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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