hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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