we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
