brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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