Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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