someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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