Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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