Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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