I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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