He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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