It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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