One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
