Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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