I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
