she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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