That's intense
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
