Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
