at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
