that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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