Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
