how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think my vagina is haunted
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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