and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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