Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's shark week go big or go home
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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